The Cowboy Meets His Match (Fatherhood) Page 17

  His hands stilled and he looked up at her. “But what?”

  She pulled in a deep breath. “I thought I should let you know that I’m going to Dylan’s. Luke will be there soon, and—”

  “You’re going to tell them about Jonah,” he finished for her.

  He put the piece of leather aside and moved to stand, but she didn’t want him to. If he touched her, kissed her, she’d lose her determination to get this thing done, and that wasn’t like her. Once she made up her mind to do something— “No, sit down,” she told him.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” she said, and sighed. “And no, but it’s all right. I can’t put it off any longer.”

  He nodded, his face serious and his eyes worried. “My offer to go with you still stands.”

  “I have to do it without you. I hope you understand that, Jake. I really do.”

  Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “I don’t understand, but I won’t insist.”

  When he opened his eyes, she saw the love she’d always wanted, but he still hadn’t said it. Not in so many words. The one thing she needed desperately, especially now, he hadn’t given her.

  “Thank you, Jake,” she said. “That means a lot to me.”

  “Erin,” he said as she started for the door. She stopped and turned to look at him. “Let me know how it goes.”

  Trying for a smile, she answered, “I will.”

  In her home-on-wheels, she splashed her face with water from her portable water supply, checked herself in the mirror and decided she looked like a man on death row walking to the gallows. Not that there were any gallows left, but she had an idea how it must feel.

  Her walk to Dylan’s house was filled with if-onlys and what-ifs, and she reached her destination sooner than she’d hoped she would. Inhaling deeply and with a smile at the ready, she walked into the kitchen.

  “Hey, Erin,” Luke greeted her from his usual place at the table.

  Dylan, across from him, pushed a chair back with his foot. “Have a seat, big sister.”

  She held back a laugh. He rarely admitted her seniority. “Thanks,” she said, “but I’ll stand, if that’s all right.”

  “Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug.

  “Want a beer?” Luke asked, lifting the bottle on the table in front of him.

  She made a face. “I never liked the taste of it. But...”

  “But what?” Dylan asked.

  She debated whether to ask or not, but decided it couldn’t hurt. “Can either of you make a screwdriver?”

  Luke glanced at Dylan before getting to his feet. “Easy as pie,” he said.

  “How’s that new colt?” Dylan asked while Luke fixed her drink.

  Glad to be able to talk about everyday things, she smiled and leaned back against the edge of the counter behind her. “He’s a beauty. You need to go see him.”

  “Jonah said you named him Twilight.”

  She nodded, thinking of the beautiful addition to Jake’s ranch. “It fits. You’ll understand when you see him.”

  Luke handed her the filled glass. “We’ll try to do that tomorrow.”

  She picked up the glass and took a long drink, then set it down. “Good grief, Erin,” Dylan said.

  “Thirsty,” she said.

  Her brothers glanced at each other, and Luke shrugged. “She’s a big girl.”

  Gathering her courage and hoping her brothers would control their tempers—although she knew if she were in their shoes, she wouldn’t be able to—she started with a question. “You both like Jonah a lot, don’t you?”

  “Sure,” Luke answered first. “You’ve done some amazing things with him, Erin. It’s like he was born to ride a horse and rope cattle.”

  “I’m really proud of him,” she answered. “It’s been an honor to teach him. He listens to everything and then does it. Not always perfect the first time, but quicker than most.” She realized she’d said it too fast, and reached for her glass again.

  “He’s good with Brayden, too,” Dylan said, glancing at Luke.

  “Hayley thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread,” Luke added.

  Dylan leaned back in his chair, and she caught him watching her closely. “He’s a natural,” he said.

  She took a sip of her drink and wrapped her hands around the cold glass. “He should be,” she said, and took another deep breath. “He’s my son.”

  “Sure he is,” Dylan said.

  She looked from one brother to the other. “No, he’s really my son. Mine and Jake’s.”

  “We already had that figured out,” Luke said.

  Ready to argue, she realized what they’d said, but had trouble getting the words out. “You knew?”

  “It’s so obvious,” Luke said, and winked at Dylan. “You’d think we were blind or something.”

  “But—”

  “He has your talent, Erin,” Luke continued.

  “And Jake’s smile.”

  “And your hair,” Luke added. “Not quite so curly, though.”

  Dylan leaned forward and folded his arms on the table. “And he asks a zillion questions about both of you. And about Pop and Mama. Those were the clinchers.”

  She couldn’t believe it. Too easy, she thought. Jonah must have— “Did he tell you?”

  Dylan shook his head. “Not a word. Just a lot of questions.”

  “But by then,” Luke said, “we’d pretty much figured it out.”

  Her legs nearly failed her, but she made it to the chair Dylan had offered earlier and sat on it. “How long have you known?”

  “Not long,” Luke said, “but we started putting two and two together. Or one and one, is more like it,” he said with a grin. “We always wondered about that trip you took to Aunt Janelle’s that summer. That woman hasn’t been sick a day in her life. And she’s still going strong.”

  Dylan continued. “Then when Jonah mentioned he lived in Kansas, we had a good idea what that trip had been about.”

  “You’d gained some weight, too,” Luke said. “I don’t think anybody else noticed, but we lived with you. We got to calling you Chunky Monkey behind your back.”

  She gasped. “You didn’t!”

  Both of them laughed, and Dylan got to his feet and moved to lean down and put his arm around her. “It couldn’t have been easy for you. But it was easy for us, once we started putting the pieces of the puzzle together.”

  Luke stood and joined them. “Like those weeks after Jake came back for Thanksgiving but didn’t stay. You spent a lot of time in the bathroom every morning.”

  Erin closed her eyes, thinking of how much her heart had hurt and the nights she’d cried herself to sleep, something she never did before. And the morning sickness she’d endured. “I didn’t know until Jonah told us last week.”

  “You didn’t guess he was your son?” Luke asked.

  She shook her head, tears burning her eyes, but then she laughed. “And all this time I’ve been worried what you’d do when I told you.”

  “We’re family, Erin,” Luke said, giving her a brotherly hug. “We’re here for each other, good or bad, right or wrong. And we don’t judge each other or tell each other what to do.” A chuckle escaped. “Okay, Dylan and I don’t, but you sure messed around in our lives last year.”

  “And look what you gained,” she pointed out. “Two beautiful brides-to-be.”

  They both kissed her cheeks, Luke on one side, Dylan on the other, and she felt her face burn with embarrassment and love.

  After returning to their seats, Dylan tipped his chair back. “Jake seemed pretty happy this past week. Any plans yet?”

  The question brought her back to earth and the question she hadn’t yet answered for herself. “No, no plans.”


  Dylan looked at Luke. “Maybe it’s time we have a talk with him.”

  “Couldn’t hurt,” Luke replied.

  “No!” she cried. “Let it happen if it’s supposed to.”

  “Supposed to?” Dylan asked. “And why the hell shouldn’t it? Jake has always been crazy about you. And something tells me you feel the same. So isn’t the next step making it permanent?”

  Staring at her hands clasped on the table, she shook her head. “If it happens, let it. If it doesn’t, then I’ll—”

  “You’ll what?” Dylan asked.

  She felt his gaze on her. “Whatever I decide.”

  “Not the rodeo circuit,” Luke said.

  Unwilling to tell them what had been on her mind after Shelly’s call or the plans she’d had when she came home, she shrugged. “I never said that. Don’t jump to conclusions that may not be true.”

  Luke blew out a breath. “Good, because we don’t want you to leave.”

  “Family should be together,” Dylan said.

  “Of course,” she answered, and hoped that would be the end of it. But she’d spent most of her life in rodeo, and she didn’t know if she was ready to give it up completely. “And on that note,” she said, “I need to get home. Another day, another dollar.”

  She pushed her chair back and stood, and so did her brothers. They talked for a few more moments, teasing and calling her Chunky Monkey, and she finally told them goodbye, laughing as she walked out the door. But the closer she got to her motor home, the less sure she felt she wouldn’t be leaving.

  Minutes later, inside her own little home, she knew she couldn’t go see Jake and tell him what had happened. He would know immediately that something was bothering her. Instead, she reached for her phone and called him.

  “Hey, Jake,” she said when he answered. “You’re going to love this.”

  “What’s that?” he asked.

  “Dylan and Luke already had it figured out.”

  “That Jonah is our son?” he asked carefully.

  “Yes.”

  She heard silence for several seconds, and then he started laughing. “Damn those brothers of yours,” he said. “You’re right, I do love it.”

  She wished he’d added that he loved her, but he didn’t. And she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t stay. She would find a way to see Jonah as often as she could, and she would stop at home, now and then. But if Jake couldn’t tell her he loved her, she needed to move on.

  “—surprised they haven’t tarred and feathered me,” Jake was saying.

  “They wouldn’t do that,” she answered. They were family. Family loved each other, through good times and bad.

  The reality of her decision hit her. What goes around, comes around, she thought. Jake had walked out on her, and now she would walk out on him.

  * * *

  JAKE WIPED THE sweat from his neck and glared at the sun. He knew from past experience that late July could be hotter than the hinges of hell, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

  Midweek and over halfway into summer, he couldn’t wait for the weekend. He had plans, plans that were even hotter than the day they were enduring. Even better, he had some things to say to Erin. All he could do was hope it turned out the way he wanted it to. If so, that family he’d dreamed of, that life of ranching with her by his side, would come true.

  But he hadn’t seen much of Erin all morning. The horses she and Jonah usually rode were gone, so he suspected she’d taken him for more lessons. Jake couldn’t believe how well and quickly his son picked up on things. His son. He still hadn’t adjusted to it and worried about the day, only a few weeks away, when Jonah would leave to go home. He knew it had to happen, but he didn’t look forward to it.

  Instead of letting it gnaw at him, he started adding to his plan. Maybe a dip in Lake Walker? A night under the stars? Something special, for sure. He’d even made a trip to Oklahoma City for the one thing he needed to tie up everything.

  He saw Gary leave the barn and hailed him. “Have you seen Erin and Jonah?”

  Crossing the wide ranch yard, Gary stopped in front of him. “Not since earlier this morning. I noticed Erin seemed a bit preoccupied with something.”

  Jake had noticed it, too. In fact, he’d thought it odd that she’d called him the evening before to let him know she’d told her brothers, when she could have told him in person. But at least that problem had been solved. He still had trouble believing they’d guessed, but he couldn’t have been happier that they’d accepted it so easily.

  Miracles happened, and the past few weeks had proven it. Now for just one more.

  “Do you want me to go looking for them?” Gary asked.

  Jake shook his head. “No need. They’ll be back soon. Ada mentioned dinner is almost ready, and if Jonah can’t smell it from wherever they are, Erin will.”

  Gary laughed and put his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Ada’s a treasure, that’s for sure. Where did you find her?”

  “Erin,” Jake answered. “Sort of. She’s the one who suggested I look into hiring someone, and then Tom at the elevator suggested Ada. She was the head cook at the schools here for a long time.”

  “She definitely knows how to keep a bunch of hungry cowboys happy.”

  “That she does,” Jake agreed. The dinner bell he’d had installed on the porch rang. “Make sure the others heard it and go on in. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  Gary nodded and walked away, while Jake scanned the horizon. Beginning to worry about Erin and Jonah, he smiled with relief when he saw two riders approaching the corral from the west. “It’s about time you two returned,” he said when they dismounted and led the horses closer.

  “We found a stray calf in that little ravine up north,” Erin explained. “It took us a while to get him out. He’s with his mama now, and I hope she keeps a better watch on him.” She turned to Jonah and held out her hand. “I’ll take the horses to the barn and make sure they’re cooled down.”

  “That’s okay,” Jonah answered.

  It hadn’t escaped Jake that Erin hadn’t yet looked directly at him. “Come on, Jonah,” he said, “let’s get some of that dinner Ada fixed. Erin won’t be long, I’m sure.”

  “Only as long as it takes,” she said, taking the reins from Jonah.

  Jake watched her lead the horses away, then crooked a finger at Jonah. “Let’s go.”

  “Something’s bothering her. Maybe if you—”

  “She gets moody sometimes,” Jake said, remembering a much younger Erin. “She’ll be fine. When she’s ready to talk, she will.”

  With a shrug of his shoulders, Jonah followed Jake into the house and took a seat at the table with the others. But Jake felt restless, unsettled, as he joined them.

  “You two are a little late,” Ada said, placing a bowl of fluffy mashed potatoes on the table. “And where’s Miz Erin?”

  “Putting the horses away,” Jake answered.

  Ada slowly shook her head. “Maybe you’d better go give her a hand, Mr. Jake.”

  “You’re probably right,” he said, pushing away from the table. “A little help will make it go faster. Be sure there’s something left for us.”

  When Ada promised she would, Jake went to the barn. He found Erin in a stall near the end, grabbed a brush and started to help.

  “You don’t need to do that,” she said.

  “I know,” he answered, “but Ada thinks you need to eat.”

  “I’m not really hungry.”

  He stopped brushing. “You? Not hungry? Damn, Erin, you’ve always been able to put away as much as the rest of us. No one would know it, though, looking at you.” He ran an admiring eye over her slim but curvy figure.

  As if she knew he watched her, she turned to look at him. “I’
m glad you’re here, Jake. I needed to tell you something, and now is as good a time as any.”

  “I knew something was bothering you.”

  “Nothing’s bothering me, but...” Her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “This is my last day here, Jake.”

  He pulled his gaze up to hers. “I don’t think I heard you right. I thought you said—”

  “I did.”

  He didn’t know whether to be surprised or angry, but the latter began to win. “You’re quitting?”

  She nodded. “It’s time.”

  “Time to quit? Why? You’re not a quitter, Erin. You never have been.” But she had. She’d quit racing. Or had she? “What are you going to do?”

  “There’s a rodeo in Chandler this weekend,” she said. “I’m meeting up with some friends, and—”

  “Why go back? Even you said it’s a hard life.”

  She finished the grooming and put the brush away. “Because I have to.”

  Anger bubbled deep inside him. “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “It would, if you were me.” She leaned against the side of the half wall. “I need to prove myself again, as much for me as for anyone else. I’m not a quitter, Jake. You should know that.”

  He did. He’d even said it. He’d seen her determination when they were kids, watched her spend hours training and practicing. And she’d been good. He knew that, too. “But you’ve already proven yourself.”

  She shook her head. “One more time. That’s all I need. I know I can do it. Maybe not Nationals, but MacDuff is ready. And so am I. If I don’t do it now—”

  “I’ve never known such a bullheaded woman,” he said, unable to look at her.

  “Determined, Jake,” she corrected. “I’m determined to go out on a high note.”

  He hadn’t stopped her before. He wouldn’t stop her this time. If she wanted to go back to the circuit, he had to let her, the same way he did before. He wouldn’t crush her dream. He knew how that felt. He had his now, most of it, anyway, and she wanted to go back to hers. How could he stop her?

  But he wanted to. He wanted so bad to stop her. And then that old feeling he’d had the night he told her he wouldn’t be back, that they were over, came back again, along with the anger that had gotten him through it.